By Gary Tilkin, CEO

Gary Tilkin Consultants, Inc.

Author, Performance Improvement Consultant, and Facilitator

 

We as managers, coaches, developers and architects of our organizations seem to have a re-occurring issue with the excessive use of ANGER.  Ok, not the best way to start a management article, but I do have your attention now, don’t I?  If we were to be completely honest with ourselves, we would admit that there were times in our management career where we simply lost it with either an associate or our team.  This resulted with either saying some things that was uncalled for or doing something where the punishment did not meet the crime.  A dealer associate of mine put it well when he said;

“If I ever get really angry as the dealer principle it is a real issue. The reason is when I say, ‘Off with their heads’, there is no way to recover!”

Therefore, today we will learn about management and emotions as our developmental topic.

·         First, psychologists state that, “when you are emotional or angry, you cannot be logical or strategic”. When you are dealing with your associates you attempt to “get them to act and react properly”. Proper would refer to their Business Behavior and should never focus on them personally.

·         Second, if every time an associate does not follow-through or achieve an objective/task, you thought they were either doing it to make you mad and or they are lazy; you are dead wrong. They are just reverting back to what they know best and have done so often in the past. It is mostly habit and rarely personal. 

·         Third, when you get emotional or angry, do not meet with your associates. If it happens, pause the meeting until you can get back to being strategic and logical.

·         Forth, our job is to assist the associate in doing a better job with the future “Business Behaviors” voluntarily. So the next time the situation should come up, the associate will naturally do the right thing.

Understanding Key Descriptors of Correcting Ineffective Business Behaviors

·         Free Will: We start with the concept of “Free Will”. We all have it and use it in every decision we make, regardless of size or importance of that decision. No one, and I mean no one, controls our “Free Will” except us.

·         Process Available Information: For a brief instant when a “Free Will” decision presents itself, we as human beings process internally all the information, experiences and input we have on the subject. In other words, our past experiences drive our future decisions.

·         Path: Now we choice what to do or to not do anything. This choice is selecting a “Path” that was directly influenced by the “Process of Available Information” stimulated by the control we have in making our own “Free Will” decisions. As we go down this initial “Path”, many more decisions are made that affect our outcome, results, and/or “End Game”.

·         Consequences:  With any “Path” that one takes there are “Consequences” that fall into three categories. They are:

1.       Positive

2.       Negative and

3.       Neutral. 

As so many of you already know from the many training sessions we have done together, the majority of consequences I have had were placed on me by my past managers. Most of them were negative in nature. Today, we look at this concept simply as the result of the “Path” we have selected for ourselves.  If we take the right “Path” we get better “End Game” results which relate directly to our final “Consequences”.

The How-To’s of Correcting Ineffective Business Behaviors

Since we, as managers and coaches, are not in control of our associates “Free Will” choices, we need to focus our attention on the area of when associates “Process Available Information”.  We do this by using a technique called “Memory Trace”. Simply stated, we give the associate a memory (Positive or Negative) that immediately comes to their minds when they are in a specific situation, particularly where they have made incorrect “Business Behavior “ decisions in the past. So before the initial “Path” is selected, they remember the “Consequences” of their past action and then choose the new specific “Path” .

Example of A Memory Trace

An example of a positive “Memory Trace” happened to me with a GREAT coach and mentor, Mr. Dick Chitty. He was one of the most respected high ranking Toyota Motor Sales, U.S.A. executives prior to his retirement. Mr. Chitty would watch me facilitate an event from the “Eye-In-The-Sky” camera at the University of Toyota and Lexus College main presentation room. When the break would come, he would visit with me and say;

“Gary, I simply love it when you repeat the participants question prior to processing it. Can you teach all the other 45 facilitators to do the same thing?  You are a real pro.”

Well, guess what I thought about every time a participant asked me a question from then on. Mr. Chitty repeated this brief coaching session with me often and now the “Business Behavior” is second nature. The key for Mr. Chitty and each of us is to address the “Business Behavior” quickly and frequently in order build the second nature future habit. What a GREAT influence he was to me and others.

Assignment for Each of You

So your assignment is to “Professionally Model” Mr. Chitty’s approach. Look for opportunities to have those “Coachable Moments” with your associates. Make it your quest to influence them with “Memory Traces” so they can “Processing Available Information” better in the future, leading to a strategic better initial “Path” selection.  My only advice to all of you is when having a direct and difficult conversation with your associate, attempt to correct poor “Business Behaviors” by,

1.       Never Make It Personal

2.       Never Have The Conversation When You Are Angry

3.       Focus On Your Disappointment Of Their “Business Behavior”

4.       Leave the Conversation With A Mutual Acceptable Future “PATH”

Until our next time together, remember always to be a “Professional for Life”.

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